Bryan Cook

Cat-pecked

I’m still mourning my Westies when she makes me an offer I can’t refuse. “You’ve had your dogs, now it’s us girls’ turn.”

“But I detest cats, they’ve only been domesticated half the time of dogs and are unlikely to civilize any further.” “Don’t worry, Dear,“ she says, “the kids and I will feed them and clean out the litter boxes.”

So starts decades of stray kittens.They’re cute and cuddly but turn into arrogant poop machines, eating through vast quantities of expensive pâte suited to their refined tastes.

Who becomes the litter box, pee pad and puke cleaner, as it’s too yukky for her? Who chases them, while evading needle claws, to meet outrageously expensive vet appointments made at the slightest sniffle? Who pays their medication bills? Who covers with cardboard and plastic our beautiful upholstery, commandeered as scratching posts? Who holds them to have their nails cut as the pet store folk fear their hissing fury? Who buckles under the weight of kitty-litter bags? Who’s paid for all the urns of their ashes filling a cupboard? 

Why, ME, of course! And then the little blighters have the arrogance to caterwaul at me if their food is late or their litter boxes not spic-and-span.

“Now, Dear, you must pet them and give bedtime rubs to reassure them that you love them. When you pass, I am certain that you’ll join the staff in cat heaven as a caretaker!” I’ve said NO to anymore cats, but who knows what might sidle through the back door.

humane society find
a grey parrot
that swears like a trooper

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About the Author

Bryan Cook is an alumnus of Sheffield and McGill Universities and retired from directing Canada’s energy science and technology. He now pursues interests in Canadian history, genealogy and genetics, fishing, gardening, poetry, and fine woodworking. Bryan is mentored through Ottawa’s TREE Reading Series and the KaDo Haiku and Tanka Society. He won the 2019 Genjuan Haibun international competition.