---

Gautam Nadkarni

A Wealth of Flaws

When I was in the fifth grade the class teacher summoned my parents to tattle on me. I had seen it coming.

When Dad and Mom turned up to meet the Gorgon I was called out of class too, to witness my humiliation.

First, Miss D’Souza criticized me for my performance in math and science. My objection that I was never cut out to be a mathematician or a scientist fell on deaf ears. Geography was another weak point with me, she said. I told her I was no explorer and seldom travelled further than to the refrigerator from the living room. Again she played the biblical Deaf Adder.

Not content with the damage she’d done already, Medusa went on to ridicule my Hindi. Here I felt obliged to mention that the only Hindi I needed to know was the kind spoken in Bollywood films. For some strange reason this made the old witch raise an eyebrow. It’s pretty tough to raise just one, I can tell you—I know because I’ve spent hours before the mirror practicing.

“It’s no use,” said the Gorgon. “I can only predict a bleak future for your son. He is going to end up as a lowly business tycoon.”

She went on, “I’m sorry but you have to face the sordid facts. He may one day have billions to his name but what’s the use, I ask you, if he doesn’t know where Timbuktu is. He will of course have private yachts and personal jet planes in which to travel, but imagine the humiliation in not knowing what makes a pressure cooker tick.”

Father groaned and Mom clutched at her brow. But the grim soothsayer droned on. Mercilessly.

“Your son will undoubtedly have several mansions and a fleet of limousines, but if he doesn’t know the square root of pi and Pythagoras’ theorem, of what use is all his wealth!?”

I think Dad had had enough by then to give him a month of sleepless nights and Mom was sorely in need of a shoulder to weep on. They took their leave looking appropriately glum.

When I went back to class I whispered to my buddy Rajesh that my horoscope looked pretty bad. Apparently I would spend the rest of my life counting the billions I had in Swiss accounts and in the Cayman Islands.

Well, at least I knew where that was. Thank heavens!

marathon. . .
the globetrotter complains
of calluses

---

About the Author

Gautam Nadkarni has been into haikai literature for over a decade. Although a recent entrant into haibun he has been widely published and is currently the Senryu Editor of Cattails journal. He also loves cartooning.