Roberta Beary
Somewhat of a Sad Perplexity
Summer of Me at 15
bay window a feral cat claws the view
My brother’s smoking pot while our parents are at a political dinner for The Other Party, which we despise. I close my eyes and wait my turn. Listen to the blue raincoat song. On my mother’s record player. Smuggled into my brother’s bedroom. By me, I remind him. He hands me what’s left in the roach clip.
Summer of Me as an Orphan
broken window sunlight slips through unarmed
Even though we never talk about it, my brother has aged into a bumper-sticker supporter of The Other Party. My husband says he likes my brother but it’s the principle of the thing. What about your nephews, I ask. For them, it’s about tax breaks but he’s a true believer, my husband says. My brother messages a link to an Italian cover of the blue raincoat song. I message back three yellow smiley faces. My phone pings. A red pulsating heart stares up at me. My brother’s first emoji.
Summer of Me as an Ex-Pat
windowpane the ants silent metronome
My husband’s listening to the latest polls. The Other Party is ahead. I call my brother. He tells the story again. Father punishing us with the strap. Mother deaf to our cries. That’s when I realized we were on our own, he says. Did you know the blue raincoat wasn’t really blue, I ask. My brother switches the call to video. He’s wearing the Aran sweater I sent and stroking his gray beard. Tell me more, he says.
Author’s Note: The title comes from “Lines Composed a Few Miles above Tintern Abbey” by William Wordsworth:
And now, with gleams of half-extinguished thought,
With many recognitions dim and faint,
And somewhat of a sad perplexity,
The picture of the mind revives again:
About the Author
Roberta Beary is the haibun editor of Modern Haiku. Born in Queens, New York, they identify as gender fluid and divide their time between USA and Ireland. They are the co-author, with Lew Watts and Rich Youmans, of Haibun: A Writer’s Guide (Ad Hoc Fiction, 2023). Their fourth collection, Carousel, is forthcoming from Snapshot Press.
Love how the blue raincoat song travels through time with the narrator, Roberta—and the use of a title before each monoku, which was a surprise.
Thank you, Marion, for commenting and also for your close read.
I first wrote this as flash in a Kathy Fish memoir workshop. I saw its haibun potential after the workshop ended. I like experimenting with different forms. And also believe in challenging expectations in haibun.
As to the blue raincoat, I always have been a little in love with Leonard Cohen.
just did a another read of your comment, Marion.
those subtitles are for the haibun’s three sections which are lead off with a monoku. so the monoku doesn’t have a title. that’s a no-no for me 😬
Ah, I can see what I’ve written is confusing, Roberta—I know you would never title a monoku. It was the use of titles within the body of a haibun that was a surprise to me. But perhaps it’s common enough and I’m just not well enough read!
i think it’s a first for me, but i could be wrong.😑 i like to stretch haibun boundaries!
The “Blue Raincoat” song! Every girl who listened to this song wanted to make Leonard Cohen a happier man!
Yes I imagined that too, Beata! 💕