Ray Rasmussen

The Most Unfortunate Third Dumping of Ray Argh!

You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh . . .
                                                                ~ Lyrics, "As Time Goes By"

Spellcheck just snooped into my scribbling and insisted on using “dumpling” instead of “dumping” in the title. But what does Ms. Picky (my name for someone who’s always correcting my bad language habits) know? She must never have been dumped.

My lover’s – or at this point, should I say “ex-lover’s?” – last text message was:

“It was her phone number in your favourites list that cemented it for me.”

“Cemented” sounded rather ominous. So I texted back the rather infamous gibe coined by William James so that she could better understand the differences between men and women. It was meant to salvage our relationship, but it seems not to have helped.

“Hogamous, higamous, man is polygamous; higamous, hogamous, woman monogamous."

In retrospect, I admit I learned something. Were we to believe that affairs of the heart are as black and white, as as yin and yang, as higamous and hogamous as James asserts, we men would be out hunting, warring, drinking, pillaging and, yes, womanizing, while our women remain happily nested at home, sewing, cooking, scrubbing and raising chickens and children.

Ms. Picky, ever the perfectionist, has just rejected “higamous." Instead she insists on “bigamous." Maybe she’s hinting at something but I’d like to point out that my maybe-soon-to-be ex and I aren’t married.

Or might it be that Ms. P is getting in my face because she doesn’t want me lamenting love’s wounds on the Internet. I suppose it's not very manly for this wannabe writer, this fool for love, to confess that he was dumped not once, not twice, but three times by this same woman, each time for reasons he doesn’t understand. Why, I wonder, would my almost-for-certain ex be bothered by my having an old girlfriend’s phone number in my favourites list? Okay, I know you female readers probably understand why she’s upset, but I’ll bet a lot of guys reading this don’t get it either.

So done in by musing about differences between men and women, tonight I’m heading for my local gin joint, Rick's Café, for a bit of a carouse. Rick knows how to deal with dames and after plying him with a few drinks, he’ll likely provide some advice. And Sam will be crooning about love and loss. Sam, This time play it for me.

cold sheets –
her dumpling stew moldy
In the fridge

I have an inkling that I’m going to get in trouble for posting this, just as William James probably got in trouble for his pithy observation. In my defense, might I say that this was my protagonist speaking, not the real me. Sure, this protagonist doofus lurks somewhere in my psyche, but that’s probably because I watched too many Bogart movies and read too many Blondie and Dagwood comics as I was growing up.

spring sun –
the house wren builds
her new nest

Notes:

This is an edited version of a piece that originally appeared in Notes from the Gean.

The opening lyrics are from the song “As Time Goes By” by Herman Hupfeld. It was used as the theme song in the film Casablanca. Casablanca a romantic drama classic starring Humphrey Bogart as Rick, the owner of Rick’s Café, and Dooley Wilson who plays Sam, the café's pianist/songster. Rick’s request, “Play it, Sam” is one of the more famous lines in film. If you’d like to hear Wilson croon out the song, go to Casablanca - As Time Goes By.

For those of you too young to have read the Blondie and Dagwood comic strip, and that's likely most readers, you can better understand my reference to Dagwood by having a look -> Blondie and Dagwood.

Comments on this type of haibun:

I generally don't like to write or read pieces that are too far from experience – that more resemble fiction than fact, nor those that are too polemic (message centered). My view is that haibun best differentiates itself from short stories through its ring of authenticity and the avoidance of sounding like an essay or preaching. However, my brand of humour plays on exaggeration but which touches on real situations. For example, my ex in this case was indeed troubled that my iPhone has an ex on the favourites list and her message in the prose above was very true to the one she sent. So that was the factual spark that triggered this piece and primarily where its "truth" rests. As for polemics, over the years I've observed how often relationship trouble has to do with differences between the partners and their (our, my, her) inability to work through those differences, So I had an urge to make a play on William's James' ditty. It's a clever witticism, but not much help for a pair of humans who are having relationship problems. Excuse the further polemics, but I had hoped the sub-text would be that the first step in working through issues is to acknowledge and honour differences and the second is to work through them. Of course it's a rare couple who can work through those differences when one of them has a monogamous value system and the other tends toward open relationships. I have yet to see anyone successfully work through that particular relationship issue and James' ditty seems to suggest that you just have to take it or leave it. Still, can't a person keep an ex as a good friend?