Seth Friedman
First Date
Before we even have a chance to skip into awkward small talk, she takes out her phone and props it on the table on a miniature wooden easel. My eyes dart between her and the backside of her phone. Our conversation—what little there is— starts to wither when I feel like I’m becoming too much of a distraction. Before I can even comprehend what’s happening, she feeds one of her fries to her phone. Then it glugs a thimbleful of her light beer. It releases a cute tinny-sounding burp. After a while I don’t really know where to look anymore as she is lightly stroking one of the legs of the easel…
As I begin to inspect the architecture of the ceiling, suddenly my watch starts talking: “I, too, have sailed the cyber-seas.” Huh? I try to quiet the watch down, remind it that no one was speaking to it—and, yet, I can’t get it to stop. I push buttons, even the on/off switch, but nothing works. It keeps talking. I can feel my face flush. Frantically, I look around, and see the table next to us staring… I throw my hands up, and my pent-up irritation comes out in the form of a low, barely audible, growl…
pawing, pawing
the empty air. . .
a plastic cat
But sometimes the gods of fortune shine on us when we least expect it: a talking watch that won’t shut up—now this is getting my date’s attention. And it doesn’t take long before we start to notice a likely reason for my watch’s uncanny garrulousness. As hard as it is to believe, my watch and her phone seem to be, well, ahem … connecting with each other. I’m astonished to notice that the second hand on my watch is moving faster than normal. Her phone is spontaneously playing snippets of different ring-tones. My watch is saying things like, “It’s about time I met someone with your processing speed,” and her phone is pretending to be coy, but saying things like, “I’ve always been jealous of wearables. You’re unforgettable <wink>.”
I look over at my date, shrug. She raises her eyebrows, smiles. “What do we do now?” I ask. “Well,” she says, “I don’t have the heart to separate them now … I mean, we should at least give them a chance, right? Bring your watch up to my place?”
too bright
to see the stars—
earbud moon
About the Author
Seth Friedman’s interest in haikai began in 2023. His haiku and haibun have appeared in a growing number of online and print publications. He is appreciative of the way haiku encourages greater awareness of the present moment.