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July 2019 Vol. 15 No. 2

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Colin Stewart Jones

Mercury Switch

dum – dum – dum
another one bites the dust

I’ve lost count of mates who’ve died from headers, pills or ropes. But first they had to suffer disenfranchised as they choked on anti-psychotic drugs. Well, well, well. I’ll take my pill until the next episode but God, I hate the soaps.

Does the TV talk to you? Is your volition diminished? Do you go to bed with your clothes on?
A carnival of reality, mirrors and smoke, someday peace may suggest but for now just floats.

not long widowed
my neighbour feeds the gull
named Squeaky

I used to self-medicate living in hope they still blame the dope.
So how are you today?
Up and down, same old same. It’s the not sleeping and lack of routine.
What do the voices say? In or out of your head?
They say spend all your benefit on a Farmfood’s diet and crack cocaine. Honest Doc – know what I mean. I need the dopamine. I weave words with the best of them.
Incoherent speech? Conspiracy theories?
Parts even Heineken’ll never reach.

Doctor, Doctor gimme the news. How many am I one or two? You think I’ve delusions? You think I don’t know what’s going on? Doctor, Doctor gimme the news. Echo de la Pensée? Or Gedankenlautwerden? Am I thinking French or German? Doctor, Doctor gimme the news. All I needed was some blues for a sleep. Echopraxic ghosts are memories that are false.

others birds
feasting on bread
shed roof

I can’t work to pay the mortgage for the home I do not own, the wife, the family I don’t have.
But I’ve a bus pass so why should I moan. I didn’t want a companion card in case they thought I’m mad. I didn’t want CPNs in my flat they’d only make me tidy up and I couldn’t be arsed with that.

And the Chorus sang.
Ah, you’re at it! You must be kidding on…
How much do you get for a giro?
You’re working your ticket so you don’t have to sign on.

That Bastard Freud did ye hear what he said about ma mum!
Tick the boxes for three hours. Do you want a cleaner to help? A simple questionnaire to check if you’re a danger.
Fuck that, Pal! I’ll do it myself. mañana

Actually, I have no word as urgent in my whole vocabulary but still it’ll be quicker than filling out these histories. See me? I’ve got two degrees. My opinions count as well. I don’t think numbers are random. 3.14159. There’s a place for everything, even macaroni pies. I didn’t like going to the toilet when I heard them move downstairs. Syncopated radiators fell like rain – tap – tap – tap.

Do you have thoughts of suicide?
In the doctor’s office they sometimes cross my mind but it’s the ones you leave behind.

Dumb - dumb – dumb. Lashed to the mast with a silent B. I’ve so many questions before I meet Medusa with my medicated shield. Is schizophrenia 24-7, 365, illness, malady or dis-ease? First I must fight the melody; is this nature or nurture? A Greek tragedy prescribed by the staff of Hermes when the Harpies called to Ulysses.

quince hedge
May asks if
I hear the robin