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January 2019, vol 14 no 4

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David Jacobs

Intention of Visit

"And what, Mr Jacobs, is the intention of your visit?"

Survival. I hate travelling, especially with American Airlines. I'd much rather stay at home. But I intend to limit panic attacks to no more than one per day, and not become psychopathically wound up when room service fails to answer. I further intend to avoid ending up in the Bronx as a result of your utterly incomprehensible subway system.

"to see my son"

"Your son lives and works in New York"

the reason I booked a flight to JFK rather than Moscow


"And what does he do?"

womanises mainly. No female is safe with him on the loose, including your wife. I'm surprised Humpty Trumpty signed off on his visa

"financial services"

"Do you have grand-children?"

almost certainly but none have been verified


"Your address in New York?"

polite. Always polite when I address New Yorkers

"The Hilton, Avenue of Americans, I mean Americas"

"Thank you Mr Jacobs, enjoy your stay".

lift off
my cell phone working
like a dream

the cabbie tells me
his entire life