haibun
A Quarterly Journal of Contemporary English Language Haibun
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June 2005, vol 1 no 1

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Toshiro Takeshita, Japan

 

Alone

Though many years have passed since my wife has died, I cannot honestly say it has got any easier. Each thought of her, no matter the memory, feels as though someone is squeezing my heart. The tears soon follow.

feeding the ducks
alone this year--
alone next year

I don't know if there is a true love for everyone, or even if there is 'one' person meant to be with another. All I know is that we loved each other with a passion beyond all human measure.

We were together every day for many years, and in the end we still only wanted to be in each others company every day. There were always the kisses, the hugs, the hand holding, and we always made love as if we 'loved' each other. We never took each other for granted.

warm jasmine scented
midnight walks with her--
tattered shoes

Sure we argued, but we never really fought. Nothing was ever bad enough to make us really 'want' to hurt each other.

Now she is gone. I am alone. The world so full of people, but none of them are her. I do not think I pity myself, the fact is it just hurts.

pulling the last
weed from the garden--
’lonely man

People say that it is time to let go. But the fact is an emotion is not something you hold on to. It's something you have. In my mind and my heart I can still feel her skin, I can still taste her lips. Remembering her funny crooked smile still makes me smile. Everything she was, she still is in me.

the village well
I used as a child--
beautiful garden

I will always love her. I guess some sadness comes with all the happiness. My life is fruitful, and I am only a better man for knowing and loving her.

This is for you my dear, my love always.

waking up early
to watch the flowers bloom--
because she did

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