Before market, sit 30mins breathing quiet til kasina comes, circles of light shrinking, one after another, like breaths, til focus stays on one, and one ring’s all. then, enveloped in white, who remains? Rotating in emptiness (no one turning/turning no one) body itself a stillness in space, feelingless & w no desire to return. Heartbeat to be hear then, felt: all the hurt in every heartbeat. Every heartbeat is a hurt. Don’t worry.
But all this comes before the fact. What follows foretold:
Had bought rambutan from market lady, not yet knowing the word or what was inside. Outside red with many spines. Back at guest house “home,” one cut open, to be shocked still, stunned by fruit’s translucent whiteness in its inner white shell, and white seed, white, white, white. Fruit the size of an eye. Surpassing sweetness. Sweetness surpassed.
bièn bièt (to disappear without a trace)